You can’t drink away the hurt. I’ve been trying since Thursday. I’ve managed to spend two days throwing up, regretting every single sip of every single thing I drank. Being numb gives you immunity from feeling, which ultimately offers you an escape. Life is great and dandy until you have to feel. As I sit here in this bed thinking of all the terrible awful things I did this weekend, I’m not sure what to do. Is there a way to free myself from this feeling of complete and total insignificance? How am I supposed to walk along any more when it hurts to even stand up? I’m not sure what to do. Maybe its time to disappear for a bit. Afterall…you can’t drink away the hurt.
Growing up is hard. It involves large quantities of loss. It means taking risks and putting yourself out there for the world to either chew up and spit out, or embrace graciously. You never know the effects your actions, choices, or words will have; yet all actions, choices, and words have legitimate consequences. Growing up is hard. It means sacrificing for others and giving yourself blindly to the hands of this universe. As hard as it is, it’s pretty special. Growing up means gaining experience. If you’re lucky you can grow up with someone, and learn from one another’s triumphs. For all the things you potentially lose by growing up, you could gain ten times that loss. As you grow up you’ve gotta follow your gut, and go with what feels right. And well…that isn’t always easy. Its tough to just give yourself to someone or something and dive in to new situations or experiences. Growing up is hard.